E. Elvis in "Viva Las Vegas"

E

(Or, how I was almost a showgirl, and won a jackpot of sorts.  Among other things.)

My mom and I went to Las Vegas.  Due to circumstances beyond our control, my 21st birthday present was taken about age 30...  Which made for some cute banter on the question of what we were doing in Vegas.  We walked all over, and found out that Vegas, while having gambling as the forefront, has lots of things to do that are free, or low cost, and lots and lots and lots of people from where ever and gone.  I don't know how many languages I heard while I was there.

We did a lot of window shopping, and looking at, well, anything that caught our glance.  One thing that frankly amazed both Mom and I was one of the hotels had a life size statue of Elvis Presley.  It was a terrific likeness, but Mom and I were both surprised, he wasn't as tall as we thought.  He wasn't short (6 foot), but some how, I guess the legend added some height to his frame.  Or tall heeled boots.  It was still kind of neat.

One of the places we wandered through was almost a museum type affair, but with items for sale.  I was sort of distracted, looked around, and a kitty caught my eye. (I know, big surprise.)  I walked over, and picked it up.  It was made to look like the cat statues that were put in with the pharaohs.  I read the small tag, Lapis Lazuli and brass, $3000.  I gulped, very carefully put the very nice kitty back on the table, and moved away before I managed to knock something over. (And that turned out to be one of the cheaper items!)

That was one place that I felt we were insulted, my mom was more or less told by the sales clerk that she knew we weren't going to buy anything, after giving us a look that was akin to sizing up the dog crap on one's shoe.  We left soon after.  Fortune would have it, she was just about the only insulting person we had to deal with, thankfully.

We wanted to try a buffet that was advertised at another place.  I had dressed up.  (At least for me.)  I had on black pants, a white poet's shirt, and had a vest that has a diamond pattern in reds and oranges, with pearl beads all over it.  We walked around, and found a little venue that had performers on a tiny stage, open air theater style.  Mom had to use the restroom, so I waited, watching the performance.  Next thing I know, a man about my size, with black pants and a white shirt taps me on the shoulder, and says, "Are we next?"  I look blankly, and respond, "huh?"

He didn't really look at me, just continued with the conversation as if I had said yes, telling me that the handkerchiefs were behind the stage, and and and...  Until he happened to look at me, and his eyes seemed to glaze over.  He said something to the effect, "You don't work here, do you?"  I said no, but it sounded like fun.  He looked a bit taken aback by my answer, then excused himself and left.   So much for my career in Vegas...

We finally arrived at the buffet, and I found one of my more favorite foods, beef ribs.  I took several, and realized when I had started, I had one small napkin.

Anyone that has seen me eat ribs knows that a drop cloth, scuba wet suit, and a large gauge fire hose would probably be much more apropos for the situation.  I saw a server, and managed not to fling sauce everywhere as I asked if I could please have some hand wipes, if they were available.

He stopped, and stared at me, with what looked like a really, really angry expression.  "WHAT did you say?"  Not entirely sure what I'd done, I asked again. I am eating ribs, I am a slob, could I please have some hand wipes, or more napkins?  His expression hardly changed, but he said, "just a minute", and disappeared.  Mom and I exchanged glaces, shrugged, and I continued my quest for rib domination.

He returned, and had, making a wild guess, 50 or so hand wipes with the logo of the casino on the packets, which he sat in a lopsided pyramid in front of me.  He was smiling now, and patted me on the shoulder.  "I want to thank you, you are the first person tonight that has said please to me."  I nearly choked.  I told him thank you, and he wandered off into the crowd.  Mom and I made sure to give him a good tip when we saw him again.  We then proceeded to make sure my face, hands, and most of the flat surfaces near me were clean before we left.

'Cuz... Well, you never know if I will be called back for a command performance...  After all, I know where the hankies are hidden!


(Viva Las Vegas)