Thursday, January 08, 2009

Pain.

Well. Husband has asked me not to reveal personal info on my blog, so we wouldn't have nutcase crazies virus bombing us, or sending flame emails, or whatever. So, I haven't. But I have decided that I can write about some stuff, without revealing specifics, that should be okay on both ends.

To that end. I was involved in a car wreck about 2 decades ago, give or take. Long story short, was supposed to die, didn't, was supposed to lose a leg, didn't.

But.

I hurt. Sometimes not much, sometimes I want to bawl. Yesterday and today were bawl inducing. Why, I don't know. Weather? Lack of something? Too much something?

I don't have a doctor right now, not that it would help. I suppose it might, if I could get the doctor to listen to me, but they take a look, say "Oh, you are FAT, that's all that's wrong." Uh. MY GOD IN HEAVEN! I'M FAT? I would never have guessed. I keep trying to explain that I have to figure out a way to hurt less to excersize. I don't want to use painkillers, or much drug wise in general, as I have a family history of addiction. Don't really care to start sucking up pills, then finding out I can't stop. Self medication isn't a good thing, I have found. Lincoln said something about representing your self in court means you have a fool for a client, well, self medicating can mean you have a fool for a patient.

I guess what I think of is, I used to be in Tae Kwan Do. I loved it. The fighting was fun, but so were the forms, and the general social aspect. And I was in great condition. After my accident, I was more or less barred by my teacher, who was afraid I would damage my legs if I fought, and more or less confined me to punching a mat in the back. I finally quit out of sheer boredom. I have tried a few other things, but either I have found that my leg "tourques", which hurts, or expense or just plain HURT seems to stop me. I am sounding extremely bitchy, pardon my french, but I am TIRED OF HURTING. How do I get past the pain?

I guess I will just try, and see what I can do, if I hurt too much, I can always soak in the tub. At least THAT doesn't hurt.

Sorry 'bout the snarl. Better luck next blog.

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