Pain.

Well. Husband has asked me not to reveal personal info on my blog, so we wouldn't have nutcase crazies virus bombing us, or sending flame emails, or whatever. So, I haven't. But I have decided that I can write about some stuff, without revealing specifics, that should be okay on both ends.

To that end. I was involved in a car wreck about 2 decades ago, give or take. Long story short, was supposed to die, didn't, was supposed to lose a leg, didn't.

But.

I hurt. Sometimes not much, sometimes I want to bawl. Yesterday and today were bawl inducing. Why, I don't know. Weather? Lack of something? Too much something?

I don't have a doctor right now, not that it would help. I suppose it might, if I could get the doctor to listen to me, but they take a look, say "Oh, you are FAT, that's all that's wrong." Uh. MY GOD IN HEAVEN! I'M FAT? I would never have guessed. I keep trying to explain that I have to figure out a way to hurt less to excersize. I don't want to use painkillers, or much drug wise in general, as I have a family history of addiction. Don't really care to start sucking up pills, then finding out I can't stop. Self medication isn't a good thing, I have found. Lincoln said something about representing your self in court means you have a fool for a client, well, self medicating can mean you have a fool for a patient.

I guess what I think of is, I used to be in Tae Kwan Do. I loved it. The fighting was fun, but so were the forms, and the general social aspect. And I was in great condition. After my accident, I was more or less barred by my teacher, who was afraid I would damage my legs if I fought, and more or less confined me to punching a mat in the back. I finally quit out of sheer boredom. I have tried a few other things, but either I have found that my leg "tourques", which hurts, or expense or just plain HURT seems to stop me. I am sounding extremely bitchy, pardon my french, but I am TIRED OF HURTING. How do I get past the pain?

I guess I will just try, and see what I can do, if I hurt too much, I can always soak in the tub. At least THAT doesn't hurt.

Sorry 'bout the snarl. Better luck next blog.