Well, wrote my resignation to one group, it was accepted with no acrimony, I wanted to burn no bridges, but felt it was my time to leave. I was given sort of a 'good luck with that' about concentrating on my CERT program, since that group wants to work with them. Ok. When they do, guess I will deal with it then.
Had been hurting like crazy again, I have figured out part of it is from the dang bed. I am trying a different pillow, see if that helps. I am trying to ignore my ankle, I don't want to have to deal with it if I don't have to. I keep wondering if the fact I hold stress in is part of it too, that stress can cause you to ache. At least that's what I have read. Guess I am not going to be with out pain killers entirely, but at least I am down to some of the mild stuff...
I now have to write a note to a different group, and I feel I am almost giving an ultimatum, I need some help, or I need to leave. Can you tell I hate conflict? I would rather swallow my thoughts and go along, than stir up things. I have no idea why, but I guess I have been that way all my life, as long as I can remember. I have only recently gotten a backbone transplant, so I still have a ways to go in assertiveness. I need to do this, though, I can not continue being angry and frustrated at something that should be fun. It's sort of like having a bruised toe, and continually hitting it on a box. You have a choice, you can move the box, or you can swear a lot.
Guess which accomplishes not a great lot?
(Of course, there is my choice, swearing WHILE moving the box, but I digress...)
I keep everything inside a lot, and even now, I have stepped down, I feel like I am going to vomit, thinking, "Gee, did I do the right thing?" And so I go to the next thing, hopefully when I get it all finished, I can feel better. Husband is so blase' about this kind of thing, so is Mom. They don't want to do something, no, thanks, bye.
I feel bad, I stew, worry, wonder if I am doing the right thing, am I doing the WRONG thing, will I be liked, disliked? You get the idea. Dad isn't quite as bad as I am about it, but I think I get it from him a bit, he tends to carry things in his gut as well...
Well, guess I better put this blog to bed, and go write my note...
Yeah. But first, some antacids. Bleah.