Husband is taking a break from the computer, and so I, of course, commandeer the thing. Yo ho, and all that. Heh.
I was on Wednesday, finishing up my shift at the substation, and had to pick up some things on the way home. Not a problem usually, just put my coat on, go do, go home.
Not so fast...
I went to the store to pick up some milk, and this very elderly gal ahead of me paid by check. The clerk ran the check through the machine, and nothing happened.
Try #2. Nope.
Then 3, will it work? Of course not.
So, clerk calls the manager, and the lady starts to fuss.
Why aren't you giving me my receipt? I PAID FOR MY FOOD!
The clerk tries a smile, ma'am, the check didn't go through, little problem with the computer.
I don't know if the lady didn't hear the last part, or chose to ignore her, but in steadily rising voice...
I HAVE $17,000 IN MY CHECKING ACCOUNT, BY G*D IT BETTER GO THROUGH!!!
The clerks smile slips just a bit, and she tries to placate the lady. Ma'am, it's the computer, sometimes they get fussy, it will just take a minute.
I HAVE MONEY, WHY ISN'T IT GOING THROUGH?!??
She then whips out her checkbook and hands it to the clerk, saying that that was the present balance. The clerk, looking frazzled, said, Ma'am, it's none of my business how much you have, it's just a little problem-
I HEARD YOU! IT'S ABOUT TIME TO CALL SOMEONE, DON'T YOU THINK? (The clerk had 'called' someone, about 4 minutes earlier.)
I had leaned against the counter by this time, and the clerk looks at me, and says, oh, deputy, would you help this lady?
My first reaction, sure, but I am not a deputy. Before I can get it all out of my mouth, said lady turns around and stares at me.
If I ever believed in the Evil Eye, I would have at that moment. Lady then snorts and says, YOU ARE FAT. Turns around, and says, all the KIDS in here are FAT.
Amazingly enough, I laughed, for no other reason than it was a total non sequitur to what was going on. It was long enough, however, for the manager to come over, key whatever needed to be keyed, and get the lady OUT of there. To the sigh of relief of several people, let me tell you.
So, I get my stuff, and go out to my truck. There is a big square of metal behind my truck. It's getting dark, and I can't tell exactly what it is, but it looks like a floor pan, or part of a muffler... So, I walk back into the store, and try to get some one's attention that there is a traffic hazard in the parking lot. I pick someone.
Hi, there's a big chunk of metal in your driveway, would you come help me move it?
(Urk.) A big chunk of metal, it's a traffic hazard. People are driving around it, and it's blocking my pickup.
Huh. You wanna move it?
(Ohhhh, brother. This one has to have the IQ of a used Q-tip... But, I soldier on...) Yes, please, but it's big and awkward, I would like some help.
We walk out, and I realize, I am wearing my volunteer uniform. Black, with black. Not the best thing to be wearing in a dusky parking lot, to move stuff during the evening commute. But, the kid had on a lighter color, and was very tall, so people seemed to notice him. We got to the thing, and I realize, this thing is a tank. My nose was plugged, but the kid takes a sniff, and says, this is a gas tank! I realize he's right.
Well, let's get it moved.
It was a full, reserve tank. Kid says, I bet some one's unhappy. Wonder if they noticed it was gone. I am thinking, well, there is a gas tank in the dead center of the parking lot, UMMM, no.
We move the tank off to the side, and I make a car n00bie mistake. I didn't cover the vent... Splashed myself with gas from my knees down. Let out a very unladylike comment. The kid says, you okay, officer?
I am fine, just spilled gas on me, and I am not a cop. He just looks confused.
I go in to wash up, and I hear, that deputy just said it was a full gas tank. By this time, I figure, I am not going to stop everyone coming out of the store to let them know my lack of rank.
After washing up as well as I could, I go out to see a big purple pickup taking off with the tank. I have no idea if they realized there was a leak on both ends, (the side opposite the vent was leaking like a sieve), but if they didn't go far, they probably got about 3 or 4 gallons, anyway. I didn't care at that point. I still had a couple stops to make, and just went on my way.
I stunk up the next stop, and I must say, the people were so nice, and so quick, and at an establishment not always known for its speed. Being stinky might have an advantage?
But, I must say, next time I am in "uniform", I swear I am going to call the real cops, if something like that happens ever again, it takes too long to explain things!!!