If Rudee could talk.

I have decided I am not going up the hill for my health. It's because Rudee wants to. He talks to me. I will translate for those not as familiar with Doginese.

I walk out the door, Rudee gets out of the doghouse and looks up at me, tongue lolling.

Hi, Mom, what are we doing now?

I go to the door of the kennel to let him out. He jumps around frantically, bouncing and licking me, while stepping on the cat.

Oh, we get to play, right? Oh, playplayplayplaypla-uh, what just stuck on my foot? Oooh, it's the fuzzy notdog, you want to play? No? Huh, Mom wants to play, you are really dumb, fuzzy notdog.

I tell Rudee to go potty, while getting out my hiking poles. He runs in circles, potties, and then runs in circles around me, whining.

Potty, yeah, guess that would be a good spot. oops, no, used that spot yesterday. Hey, is that deer poop? Uh, well, Mom's watching, guess I better not roll. Hm, hey, this is a good spot. That's better. OMGOMGOMGOMG, Mom's got the poles, we are going WALKING! I am in Heaven! Walking, oh, walking! YEEEEEESSSS!!!

I walk to the gate and open it, Rudee runs through, and runs up the hill, sniffs around the fence, then runs back to me.

HOORAY! We get to walk, oh, run, run, get to run UUUUP the hill. Hey, there's that deer again. Went through the fence. Or over it. Can I get under the fence? Nope. Darn it. Well, got to go get Mom, wish she would walk faster.

I get to the top of the hill, Rudee bounds over, finds a chuck hole and starts digging and barking. I turn around, start down the hill, and have to call him to follow, while I pet the cat that followed me up to the top. Rudee charges up, sniffs the cat's butt, then gets a toenail in the nose.

I am having so much fun. Man, there are all sorts of smells up here! Boy, I could stink myself silly if Mom wasn't watching. Hey, where's that thing I smelled yesterday. Oooooh, the HOLE. Digdigdig, COMEHERE, digdigdigdig, HEY! COME OUT, I WANT YOU!! Digdigdigdig. Huh? Mom? Where'd Mom go? She... Oh, she's going down the hill, ok, we go sniff around again. But I gotta yell at the hole again, at least- Uh. Okay, Mom. Comminnnng. Hey, fuzzy notdog is up here. I wonder if he'd let me sniff his butt? OW! Nope, guess not. Okay, dooooooooowwwwwwn we go! Whoooo hooooo! Uh. Mom... Please keep up...

This, with variations, is what happens up and down the hill each time, except the cat loses interest after the first run. I think it has something to do with him not liking the anal exam each time.

Go figure.