Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Can't even blame the dog...

Well. I went to my regular store, I had gotten to the point that dinners were going to be REALLY creative, (read, what can you make with 1 teaspoon peanut butter, chili, a stale hot dog bun, and a can with the label gone?), so I was shopping for, well pretty much all the staples.

I had lunch, and had developed... gas. I don't know why, but some meals make me a bit more... odoriferous than others. I try not to eat things that will do this and then go into public, but whatever was in my hamburger that day, Ohmigawd... I tried to not go into an aisle, unless I could quickly get where I needed to go and leave, grabbing whatever I needed at a near trot, so I could possibly get finished. This worked okay, until I entered the meat section. I was completely alone.

Until the women showed up.

I believe they were possibly in, oh, the late 70's, possibly 80's. And possibly hard of hearing. I hope they were hard of hearing anyway, I hope they weren't just that rude. I had, um, released a copious amount of gas, hoping it would dissipate before some unfortunant soul wandered by. No such luck, they showed when it was at its most fragrant.

One said to the other, somewhat loudly, "Something smells."

The other replied, LOUDLY, "Yes, it smells like a fart. I think that woman ahead of us farted!"

(I am trying to grab hamburger and put it in sacks, turning red, and hoping I don't let go with another round of gas...)

First woman, "Why is she putting the hamburger in bags? They don't stink!"

Second woman, LOUDLY again, "no, dear, she wants to make sure the hamburger doesn't leak, it's her FART that stinks, just wait, we'll get to the hamburger, too!"

By this time, I was hearing giggles from some other customers walking by. I don't know what was worse, being red-faced, the women continuing to talk about my gas release, or the fact I knew about 3 people that were in on this lovely conversation.

I did get my hamburger. I also am going to mainline Gas-X (TM) next time I shop.

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