Celebrity Impersonation.

I was working at the substation, and so I see the various deputies, detectives, and such that come in for meetings, or to get paperwork, or what have you.  In walks one of the detectives, to meet with another agency member, to go do some investigation.

While he was waiting, I commented that I thought he looked nice in his suit (he’d been patrol, so he was in a business suit as a detective, rather than the standard uniform).  He mumbled his thanks.

Now, to give you an idea, this gentleman is bald, and was wearing a dark pinstriped suit.
He said, while staring at his phone, checking texts:

Yes, this is my Kojak outfit, I have been told.

Who loves ya, Baby?  All I need is a lollipop.

I couldn’t resist.  I had one in my desk, and handed it to him when he looked up.  He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the sweet.  Then he cracked up.  He didn’t take it, as the other agency member showed up, and they had to leave, but I must say, I was pleased to have tickled him that way…

Yak, yak, yak, YIPE!

(Yep, late, but still, it's up now... I guess I lost track of time...)

I love to go to fiber festivals.  I usually get my quota of spinning fiber, and yarn.  It's a cash only thing for me, when the $ is gone, I am finished.

Well, with the spending...  Not the looking.

So I've found that it's absolutely a great time for me to check out the animal barns...  I have found that I know several of the sheep owners, goat owners, and get to check out the rabbits, and some exotics...

Like- a yak that was there one year.  I walked up, just a bit shy of something that large.  It was bigger than most male cattle I'd been around, and was well armored with a set of horns that were wider than said yak.

I was watching the animal, when the owner of said yak showed up...  She was telling me all about it, that it was a friendly animal, and was not one to be aggressive, and the fiber was awesome!  Come and feel it!

Tentatively, I walked up to the stall, and stroked the back of the yak, to let it know I was there.  It turned to look at me, sniffed slightly, then went back to the hay bale it was mowing though.  I talked with the gal about the care and feeding of yaks, when the owner, realizing I hadn't felt the fiber (the part used on a yak is the protective undercoat), she patted, then said, "dig in, feel that wonderful fiber!"  (Not a bit of a salesman, no siree...)

But, I will admit, I was looking at it with some thoughts... And so I, indeed, "dug in", pushing the hair apart, and sticking my hand down in the soft warmth of the undercoat.  She was right, it was just lovely soft!  I rubbed it some more... And suddenly got a right cross of a slightly dirty yak tail in my face, knocking off my glasses!

Turns out, yaks can be tickled... My glasses were not damaged, and after a quick run to the restroom, my face was okay, but, I decided to let someone else raise yaks.

I think Husband probably appreciates that more than anyone.

*******

Had a busy day at the substation... I can't talk about the specifics, but I am glad I was able to help, but sad to know that the kind of help rendered was necessary.  

But, I did have one funny thing I can share.  The Sheriff's Office has Community (Compensatory) Service work crews that are picked up and dropped off there.  At the usual drop off time, I saw a trickle of folks jump out of the work van, and leave.  And a few that stood around talking, smoking, or getting bikes unlocked to leave.  I took no notice, until a gal came in asking to use the phone about 15 minutes later.

Not unusual either.  She called, checking if X was going to pick her up, sighed when she heard the beep, and went back out.  

I finished my day, and she was still out there, about a half hour later.  I went out the back, to my vehicle, and there was a car parked behind me.  This WAS unusual, and I kept my eye on the guy.  He waved, and then poked his head out the window, "Hey, was the crew truck here?"  

"Yes, about a half hour ago."

"Huh.  I guess I missed her."

"A gal, round faced, wearing this 'n that clothes, name Pickmeup?"

An awestruck look, if I ever saw one, and he said, "Uh, yeah... Do you know-"

I pointed, "She's out front, has been waiting for you-"

He made the fastest 3 point turn I've ever seen, and was out front at near warp speed... 

Oopsie!!!

Six sentence story...

I was reading about six sentence stories.  I had this stuck in my head, but it didn't work out well, run ons abound.  But hopefully it will elicit a chuckle, anyway.



He saw her across the room, her hair a gorgeous, wavy red.

A vision of loveliness, she wore a fuzzy mohair sweater.

He glanced over the large-print book he was leafing through, stealing peeks at her, and wishing he was several years younger.  

And bolder.  And perhaps a bit more exciting than beige wallpaper in a beige room.

Then the nurse waved, and spoke up, "Sir, the optometrist will see you now..."

For Going Gently's John- Kids!

This post was triggered by a memory when I read it, please read John's post first.

cvs,com

I go to the feed store for a lot of things, and the above item is one of them.  I don't have cows, but the balm is wonderful for chapped hands.  I have had winters where this was the only thing between me and cracked and bleeding knuckles.  

So, I was wandering around the store, checking on supplies, when I picked up the tin of Bag Balm.  A little boy, probably about 4 or 5, walked up and looked at the green box in my hand.  

"Do you know what that is for?"

"I do, I use it for my hands."

His little face scrunched up in a scowl, and he replied "Nuh-UH!  That is for COWS.  We have cows, and Mommy puts that on the cow's titties!  You don't put it on your hands, it makes a mess, it's for TITTIES!"  

This, of course, was spoken in one of those innocent, LOUD kid voices, that had several people turning to look at us.  I held up the box for some validation of my next statement, and said,

"Your Mama is right, we do use this on cows, but I use it on my hands, and then put gloves on, so I don't make a mess."

He started to reply, "But it goes on titties-", when a very, VERY red face Mom swooped in, and grabbed the little guy.

"I am so incredibly sorry, he really didn't need to go into it that much."

I grinned.  "That's okay, he is right, if maybe a little... specific." 

She left quickly, and I think most of the people in the feed store had a good laugh...  I know I did!

No app for that, huh?

Husband and I went to a local restaurant, and as usual, we were given the senior rate.

This round, perhaps, maybe... We deserved it.

We walked to the cashier to order, and she was just bubbling over with excitement. "You came here at just the right time!  We just had a power outage!  It was nearly a half hour long, and we couldn't use the cash registers!  We had to use paper and pencil to figure out meals, and we had to take cash only!!!"

Husband and I managed to have her out of earshot before we laughed.

Having been in this situation when I had been working (ahem) years ago for the Golden Arches Supper Club, it was a given, in a power outage, you just wrote it on a handy napkin or take out bag, until the lights came on...

YES, it was before everything was computerized, but the cash registers were electrical, so they'd lock us out... That was the fun part.  Also, most people used cash at that time, so it wasn't such a big deal.

I was surprised that the back was still able to cook, unless they use gas, or some such.  I know a lot of stores just shut down and lock the doors during a power outage.

When we arrived at the table, I mentioned one item to Husband, "They didn't have one iPhone or equivalent between them, that had a calculator on it?"

He thought about it, and said they probably figured the phone wouldn't work in a power outage, or didn't want to spend the juice/data on said phone.

Guess they don't have an app for power outages yet...

Husband's wit.

So, in the great scheme of things, not a great lot has been going on.  I have been knitting on a "10 Stitch Blanket" which is pretty much exactly that.  You make a row of ten stitches, and then after making a small square, then turn a corner, knit across, then turn a corner, then knit across, and so on.  Husband decided it could also be called a NASCAR blanket...

He has been in fine form, I was talking about making a TARDIS garden shed, and a Doctor Who scarecrow for my garden.  (Yes, gonna let that ol' geek flag fly high!) I was taking to Husband about what color I needed for the TARDIS, I figured it was somewhat darker than Safety Blue, whereupon Husband piped up, "You just need to ask for Who Blue!"

Just another day at the farm, I guess!

Decals? Maybe not...

I keep seeing the decals people put on the back windows of the vehicle, like this for "Man, Woman, with Dog and Cat."

I thought it would be neat to have those on the back of my little truck.  Then I thought about it some more...

"Man, Woman, Dog, 2 Cats that hate each other, 2 Llamas that domance fight a lot, and 11 Chickens and 1 Rooster."

I have decided that I don't have enough room on the back window of my truck!

Hee, hee!

#1.

A couple days ago, Husband and I were sitting in the front room, when Rudee started barking.

Bark.  Barkbark.  Woof!

We looked at each other, then out at the road. Nothing, but we could hear an engine.

Barkbarkbarkbark!

That's odd...  We both stood, to get a better view down the road, where there was indeed a vehicle coming, but nothing out of the ordinary.

BARKBARKBARKWOOOOOFBARRRK! WOOF!

A Bronco buzzed past the house.

WOOFBARKBARKWOOOFWHINEBARKWOOF!!!

Husband clicked on it before I did.  "Honey, Rudee thinks that your dad is coming over..."  (My Dad quite often drives a Bronco, and Rudee knows once Dad's parked, Rudee gets a treat.)

Sure enough, when we went out and checked on Rudee, he was standing up against the front of the kennel, watching the driveway, and looking very confused.

Woof?

We gave him a cracker, and he seemed okay, but my, oh, my, did he still seem confused...

#2.

I put on a blue shirt to wear for my normal Monday shopping day.  I had to make a quick stop at the Sheriff's Office, and saw several of the deputies, as well of the Sheriff and Undersheriff.  Didn't think a thing of it, I have talked to most all of them before, so I just trotted in like usual, and said hi as I went past.  They all said hi, then started slightly.  The Undersheriff laughed.

?

Ooookay...

I walked down the hall, and saw one of the detectives.  He sort of waved.  I tried to figure out who it was, but had no clue, and didn't know why he'd wave at me...

Went on about my business, then left.

That's when I actually registered what I had on my shirt...

http://hawaiiapparel.net/

Complete with "Book 'em, Danno!" on the back.

Oh, and the Detective?  I finally figured out, he gave me the "hang loose" sign.

Guess I'm good for a chuckle, if nothing else...

A challenge. And a minor funny.

I read about this challenge today.  Which means I am a day behind, but hey.  It's a leap year, I get an extra day, it all works out, right?  I just like the idea of writing to people, and the thought of sending letters out to people I have been thinking "gee, I should write to X", can now be...  "Oh, I have this challenge, who can I write to, oh yeah, X!"

The other day, one of my friends asked how my book was going.  I have several pages written, and showed her.  She looked confused, and said, but it's handwritten.  I said that yes, I transcribe it onto disk later.  Yeah, she said, but it takes so long to write that way.

I guess I never thought writing was about speed.  (Just ask most of my school teachers...)

Anywho, I figure I will see if I can get some letters to people.  If you would like me to write to you, send your regular/classic/snail address to: rencatus AT yahoo DOT com.  I would be happy to drop you a (handwritten) line!

Elsewhere...

I was at my shift at the substation, and this gent came in wanting a welfare check on a family member.  I called dispatch to send a deputy out to talk to him.  While we were waiting, he started saying that he hoped the deputy could find said family member.  (Oh, great...)

I very carefully said that a welfare check usually implied that one has some idea where the person IS.  He then said something to the effect that it shouldn't be that hard to find her, and discussed some ways HE thought that it could happen.  Several that were questionable, one or two I suspect were illegal.

I responded that while he had some... interesting ideas, that Law Enforcement did have some limitations on what they could do.  I kid you not, he responded:

"But they do that on TV all the time!"


Yoiks!

Odd little funnies...

Dateline, New Year's:

Woke to gunshots, lights from fireworks, dogs barking, crackle of noisemakers.  We'd celebrated by kissing about 9 or so, and had gone to bed.  So I listened to the cacophony, then heard Husband mumble something.  I figured he was awake, so I leaned over and said "Happy New Year, Honey", and gave him a kiss.

He opened his eyes, looked completely confused, smiled, then said, "I love you, too, honey, but what did I do to deserve that?"

It was then that I realized he'd been talking in his sleep, and he hadn't heard a thing...


Dateline, yesterday:

I still have to have a little help with my bath, I have a "shower seat".  I have Husband stay in the house, in case something untoward would happen.  I undressed, took my glasses off, (I have horrid vision without my glasses), and got in the shower.  I started to turn on the shower, when I realized there was a spider on the floor of the shower.  I am nearly phobic of spiders, and had nothing handy to vaporize said spider, so I started screaming my lungs out for Husband to get something to kill it.  I think it went something on the order of "GETITKILLITGETITGETITOMGGEEEETIIIIT!"   He ran in, grabbed a shampoo bottle and smacked it on the spider.

It went pif.  He hit it again. Pif...  He then leaned down close, and then picked up the "spider", while I recoiled in unmitigated horror.

"Honey, you were screaming about a rouge yarn ball."  He then showed me the little black ball of felted fluff, that had scared the living daylights out of me...  Husband laughed for at least a few minutes as he threw away said rouge yarn ball...

So much for the big, strong woman...


Eep...  : /

HOT farm wear... Riiiiight... And the renaming of Cat.

(Ok, Blogger is being a S###, this was supposed to go up tomorrow.  I may or may not post tomorrow, accordingly... We shall see.)

Spew alert.  Put down the beverage.  This is a chuckle.  Ha ha.  Gaffaw.  Snort.  However you slice it, somehow I think most males in this area wouldn't be caught dead wearing this... Using it for the dog kennel, or to wipe down an oily mess perhaps, but actually wearing it?

Um. No. 

Found on this website, when I was reading Rural Revolution.  Anyway, finish your drink, and take a look.

What ARE those goofy strings hanging off the sides of the clothing?  Bailing twine, dyed to match???  Even if you don't farm, it just looks like a good way to get tangled in something...  So.  Um.  What do you want to bet this isn't going to be at the local feed store anytime soon?  (grin) 

And "matchy-matchy"?  Not exactly "macho-macho", methinks... (In fact, I seem to remember the side ties on some jeans that I used to wear when I was in high school, I don't believe the guys would have wanted to wear the 'girly' styles like that. 

***

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

This question reminded me instantly of a commerical for Las Vegas...

http://www.youtube.com/embed/5W-9pYOPoJ8?rel=0


Sorry, for the life of me, I can not figure out how to put this on there as the little screen thing, just click on the URL, it should work, I think... 

Anywho, er, a different name.  I go by my nickname Cat, or Knitcat, when on line, and I use Cat Lacemaker when at faire, (detect a theme here?). 

I dunno, continuing with the feline theme, Lady of the Cougar?  Cougar Lady?  (Maybe not, considering the connotations of Cougar anymore...) 

Wolflady?  Shewolf?  (Guh, that sounds like a character from a bad 70's cartoon...)

Cocoa.  'Cuz I am warm and sweet. (Gag... The name's all right, the explanation stinks!)

At one point I was going to go by my middle name if I became a famous author, but I like my first name better.  (Due to Husband issues, we won't go into either of those names... Gonna get me a Nom de Plume?)

So, let's see.  Dorothy Canby.  Just like the sound of it. 

Margaret Mary Megan Elizabeth.  To make people look twice. 

Mae West.  Because she was a woman that sounded like she had a lot of fun...

Elenor Benton Wainwright.  So I can fix wagons, or go on a trip to the gold fields in Deadhorse.

Ok, I guess I will stop there, I wouldn't remember who in the heck I had introduced myself as, at this point!

Bye for now,
Cat.  Just Cat